For most people, writer’s block comes when they can’t think of anything to say. I am not most people. I experience writer’s block most frequently when I have a lot to say. There are so many ideas. There is so much emotion. The passion is overwhelming. I don’t even know where or how to start.
I’m not going to tip-toe around the point of this post because I have a lot to say and I don’t want to risk losing your attention: I am taking this semester off from school.
The official term is “taking a hiatus”. I like this term; “I’m taking a hiatus” sounds and feels a lot better than “yeah, I decided to drop out.” Hey, I’m a writer; words are important to me like that.
My hip injury has plagued me for nearly 10 years now. I first fractured my femur in January of 2005 and I’ve always told people that not coming home to take care of myself was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. I didn’t want to miss out or lose momentum, so I kept on pushing through and I’ve been doing it ever since.
As luck would have it, I somehow re-injured my hip last week. It’s not going to require surgery, but the recovery process is going to be long. Most of my surgeries have occurred mid-semester. It’s easy to push through when you’re halfway there, thoroughly invested in your coursework, and have a reliable reputation as a decent student. But I don’t have any of that right now. I’m a week in and it feels like it’s mile 21 of a marathon. None of my professors know me. And I have the luxury of looking behind at the past for a glimpse of what my future would hold should I decide to push through just one more time.
The truth is I didn’t have to withdraw. If you were to look at the history of my injury, you’d probably ask, “Why now? The one time you DON’T need surgery is the one time you DO withdraw? What’s up with that?” Good question. I could have done it. I know I could have. But at what cost?
One of my greatest concerns about deciding to withdraw was what people were going to think and say. I felt like I needed a really good reason to do it. I think a lot of us fall into that trap. We think that we should stay in school until we literally can’t do it anymore; until we’re checked into the hospital for some physical, mental, or emotional diagnoses or threatened within an inch of our lives. Who made up that rule? It’s backwards. The whole thing is backwards.
We think we need a really good reason to take a semester off. And we do. But we need to change our definition of what a good reason really is.
Traditionally, it is in my nature to continue pushing through until my life, body, and sanity shatter into a million pieces. That takes awhile to clean up and I’m usually practically useless for the first several months of the process. It’s horrible. It’s scary. It’s messy. But for some reason I believed that it was the only permissible way.
Today, I’m doing things a little bit differently. I’m in tune with my body, my mind, and my environment. I can sense danger and make choices that will protect and preserve me. I let myself look at the broken pieces and pick them up rather than waiting until things shatter into dust.
I’ve decided to take the semester off because it’s what’s best for me. I need to let my body heal. I’ve been at war with my body for nearly a decade now. It drains me of my energy, enthusiasm, patience, and capacity to love. I’m tired of that. My body is pleading with me for care and attention and it’s pulled my soul on board as well.
My “free time” will be well spent. I plan on investing in my blog, working on my freelance career, reading fiction and non-fiction books, learning to cook, and dedicating myself wholeheartedly to rehabilitating my hip. I plan on being a mom to my daughter. I plan on filling my lungs with air and breathing again.
The title of this post is “Summer Suits You”. I know that summer is nearly over, but the title really has nothing to do with summertime and everything to do with 3 words spoken to me by my marketing professor several months ago. It was a few weeks after graduation and I ran into her in Target. We were chatting for a good 20 minutes when she looked at me and said, “Gosh Brittany, summer suits you.” She wasn’t talking about my tan or my cute sundress. She was talking about my affect. I laughed at the time, but I was also a little bit sad. I was sad that the difference between the “School Brittany” and the “Summer Brittany” was so drastic. I wanted to spend the summer getting to a place in my mind where I could maintain the summer affect in the midst of a semester at college.
I didn’t quite meet the mark on that one, but I’ve bought myself some extra time. I want to find that place in my mind where summer and winter combine and form something glorious. I know it exists. I know it’s possible. And I believe this hiatus is my opportunity to press in rather than push through.
What steps do you take to engage in self-care?
Linking up with Let’s Be Friends Blog Hop, Wine’d Down Wednesday, The Blogger’s Digest, Thoughts For Thursday, That Friday Blog Hop, The Deliberate Mom’s Blirthday Bash, Social Media Mixer, & Coast to Coast Blog Post Party!
Margarita says
I love this, I think it’s natural to have differences in ‘work’ you and ‘leisure-time’ you!
Margarita recently posted…Grow an RESP with RBC!
Brittany says
You’re right! I definitely agree that our personalities naturally vary according to our environment and circumstance. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says
Good for you! We HAVE to take care of ourselves because no one else is going to do it for us. I hope you get to achieve all you want to achieve in your time off.
Thanks so much for sharing and for joining my #Blirthdaybash! The fact that you took the time to celebrate with me means so much… and I loved “meeting” you.
Wishing you a lovely week.
xoxo
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…The Deliberate Mom’s Blirthday Bash
Brittany says
Thanks for visiting my blog, on this your most busiest and celebratory of weeks :) I loved your idea for the themed blog hop; I’ve really enjoyed getting to know some of the bloggers on a more personal level. You rock!
Anne Marie says
I love this!! The opportunity to take a break is so important to help you realize who you are and who you really want to be…not to mention your physical and mental health!
It’s great to meet you from The Deliberte Mom’s #Blirthdaybash…and that picture of you is EXCELLENT and why I clicked your link…Summer Does Suit You!
Anne Marie recently posted…Tour Through Blogland!
Brittany says
YAY!! I’m so glad you liked the picture; I was going to put up my “normal” profile pic, but I thought the Happiest Place on Earth with my wide-eyed caffeine face was much more fitting for the #Blirthdaybash :) Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Pop Pop says
A wise decision, Brittany. I’m so proud of you, and happy for you. Love you!
Pop Pop
Brittany says
Thanks for all of your support, Pop Pop!
Laura says
Good for you for making the decision that is right for you! There will always be people that judge, but I think you know that those people don’t really matter. In this “off season,” perhaps you will grow even closer to God!
Brittany says
I think I’m finally coming to terms with not having to make everyone happy when I make a big decision. You’re right; there will always be someone who disagrees with what you are doing. As long as you have made a sound decision, you need to have confidence and faith. My plan in this is definitely to grow in my relationships with the Lord. I’m being intentional about establishing my quiet time routine so that each day gets off on the right foot and ends in reflection. I’m sure He’ll be revealing Himself in plenty of unexpected ways :)
Dad says
I’m so proud of you for making this decision. I know it was tough for you, but I think you chose well!
Brittany says
Aweee, thanks Dad! I couldn’t do it without my amazing support system :)
Rachel G says
It really sounds like you’re making the best choice for you in this season of life! I hope your recovery goes as smoothly as possible!
Rachel G recently posted…Questions Without End
Brittany says
Thanks for stopping by and visiting my blog…and for the encouragement. I’m just taking things as they come and making the most out of them. I truly believe that at the end of everything, my hip will be fully recovered :)
taylor says
Hell yeah girl! You gotta do what you gotta do! There’s no shame in taking care of yourself! Not one bit! I hope you take this time for you to get back to where you need to be :) Happy to be a new follower!
tattered to taylored
taylor recently posted…DIY: Wood Polish – perfect for old hardwood floors
Brittany says
Your enthusiasm is awesome; I love it. I think society kind of raises us to feel guilty when we take time for ourselves, but really it’s one of the best things that we can do! I plan on using my time well and learning a lot while I’m at it. Thanks for visiting my blog and sharing your energy :)
Gram says
I think you have made the perfect choice for you! It is beyond time for you to find your “happy, content with who you are” place. I am so happy for, and proud of you.
Hugs and kisses,
Gram
Brittany says
Thanks, Gram! You always make me feel a little more confident in my choices. I’m hoping to have more time to dive into that book series you loaned me over the summer! So excited to read for fun again :) Love you!
Melissa @ Completely Eclipsed says
There’s nothing wrong with a little breathing room. I’m a teacher and the difference between “work” me and “summer” me is stark. Although, usually by the end of the summer I’m itching to get back into that routine. The bottom line is, you need to do what is best for you. Everyone seems to have a lot of opinions on what other people are doing,but really you’re the only opinion that matters…well except for mine ;)
Melissa @ Completely Eclipsed recently posted…Setting Goals
Brittany says
Thanks for the encouragement, Melissa! I think you’re right: every person is unique and we can’t compare ourselves to each other or judge one another. It’s so easy and tempting to do it though! But it’s a trap and a pretty damaging one at that. Thanks for stopping by and know that you’re not the only one with the routine “itch.” Even though I’m not taking classes, I’m glad to have a regular routine and schedule in my life again. It does wonders!