I was out to lunch with a friend recently and we were having a great conversation. We were laughing and talking about both the healthy and toxic relationships in our lives. At some point, she looked at me and said, “You know, I really need to clean out the text messages on my phone. I’d hate so-and-so to find them.”
One moment. Everything changed.
Think about it for a minute. What if you forgot to lock your phone and someone picked it up. Is there something you would be ashamed of? Is there something you would fear? Is the thought of such a scenario enough to make you anxious, suspicious, or afraid?
I know I’m taking a chance in saying this, but I’m thinking the answer is yes. I’m not talking songs with explicit lyrics or dirty pictures on your photo stream. I’m talking about words. And not even the “naughty” ones.
You know that one time you were sitting in a room with someone and they were aggravating you so much and the only way you had of expressing your frustration was to text your best friend? They texted back some smart aleck remark that undoubtedly made you crack up and took the edge off your aggravation. You felt better and there was no harm done.
Well what if that person picked up your phone and saw the text the next day. Was the temporary relief of your frustration worth the hurt of such a revelation? You’ve been caught red-handed and the price might be a friendship. We don’t think about what we’re sacrificing when we hit send.
We all know what gossip is and what it does and that it hurts. Mostly because, at some point in our lives, we’ve been gossiped about. We’ve heard about it through the grapevine or caught our bff betraying us in the hallway between classes. I’ve been both the instigator and the victim of some fierce gossip. It’s painful. It’s shameful. And I think that most of us avoid it these days. At least we think we do. But gossip manifests itself in many ways. And today I think it often rears its ugly head in the form of a text.
My first instinct is to do the obvious thing and lock my phone. But lets face it. The people I’m afraid of finding these gossip texts are actually some of the people who know my password. Or would be able to figure it out. Which makes it even worse, if you think about it. What a betrayal.
My second thought is to delete my text history with certain people and erase the evidence. Which isn’t a bad idea, honestly. My motive isn’t to eradicate my guilt; my actions are there whether or not the texts are accessible. My motive is to keep my loved one from experiencing hurt. So I really don’t see anything wrong with deleting the history.
But.
The question is what comes next. What happens after the evidence is erased and I have my fresh start? Personally, I like to keep my text history to refer back to from time to time. I like to create memories that are worth saving. Not erasing. So I make a choice and a commitment. To myself and my friendships.
I commit to sending only messages worth saving. Anything I’ll want to delete shouldn’t be said in the first place. Why risk the hurt, the damage, and the loss that could result from careless gossip.
It’s a lesson we don’t seem to learn easily. We learned it in kindergarten and again in high school. It reared it’s ugly head in the break room at work and again during the kids’ soccer practice. I don’t care what the old rhyme says about stick and stones. Words hurt. I can’t even count the number of times that I’ve been hurt by words. I’d like to prevent myself from doing that same damage to others.
In what ways have you seen gossip manifest itself in the adult world? What actions do you take to eliminate the effects of gossip in your life?
Linking up with Wine’d Down Wednesday, Social Media Mixer, Coast to Coast Blog Post Party, The Blogger’s Digest, & SHINE Blog Hop!
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says
I want to be a shining light to everyone around me at all times. I came to this revelation a while ago… that I would never say anything hurtful out loud to someone about someone else… so why on Earth would I text it?!
Great post. Thanks so much for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).
Wishing you a lovely day.
xoxo
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…SHINE Blog Hop #16
Brittany says
What an extraordinary way to live your life! That is certainly what I aspire to, but many days I fall short. I like to think I’m growing more day by day. Thanks for stopping by and visiting my blog :)
Lauren says
I agree, as I get older.. I am over the gossip. Nothing to hide on my phone! (except maybe an excessive amount of selfies!) ;)
Lauren recently posted…Vacation from Social Media
Brittany says
Lauren, glad to hear you can report a “clean” phone! And there’s nothing wrong with selfies; to me it means you love and accept yourself. Not in a weird stuck-up way, but in an “I am worthy” way. So it’s all good :)
Elizabeth says
I always remember the story of the feather pillow. Take a feather pillow and throw all the feathers off the roof. Now, after you had a great time spreading all those feathers, try to go and take them all back. You never possibly could find all the feathers. I know it is a silly analogy, but it reminds me of gossip. I am just as guilty as the next person, but I know I can do better. Thanks for the challenge. Plus, I love the quote. I don’t want to be that jerk. :)
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Brittany says
I have never heard this story. I love it!! It really puts things into perspective. I think self-awareness is the first step and none of us will ever be perfect, but we can always try again tomorrow and make progress as we go :)